Daddy Gave Me His Name

To say that I am estranged from my father would be an understatement.  I spoke to him last month for the first time in 20 years.  It was odd speaking to him on the phone.  I didn't have to search hard to find him. He is living in my hometown and his number is in the phonebook.  I found him quickly with an Yahoo People Search.  Nevertheless, we are estranged.  So when I called him out of the blue last month from work, I wasn't sure what to expect.  Would he answer, would he hang up on me, would he remember me?  

All of these emotions and more have likely been shared by the fathers and children chronicled in Mark Bryan's book, The Prodigal Father: Reuniting Fathers and Their Children.

Bryan's book is more than a manual for how to actually work through reuniting with your father or child, though it is that too.  In fact, this part of the book may be the most valuable.  Bryan very sensibly and thoroughly provides a step-by-step process for fathers to reach out to their child(ren).  He also wisely includes many tips for how to reestablish a relationship with your former wife or mother of your child(ren) too.  Bryan argues persuasively that you are going to have a difficult time if you simply try to reconnect with your child, while ignoring the mother of your child.  He includes a special chapter for mothers that is sensitive, yet firm in arguing that a child needs to have the presence of his birth father in his/her life, regardless of what has transpired in the past.  

Another valuable component of Bryan's book is the various testimonials that he includes from both fathers and their children at the various stages of this process.  He is adamant that this is a process.  It is not like me just calling up my father and shooting the breeze with him.  Even I know that while I have reestablished contact with my father, this is only the first step of what I hope will be a full reconciliation with him.  For me, I am not doing it for myself only.  I have three children, only one of whom has ever met my father.  That son was less than one month old when the visit occurred, so I am not even sure if this  counts as meeting my father.  Bryan doesn't pull any punches or provide any false hope for what he calls "prodigal fathers", but yet it is ultimately a hopeful book that I no played no small part in my attempt to reestablish contact with my own father.  

The best part of this book for me is Bryan's own testimony.  He married his high school sweetheart when she became pregnant and they tried to make it work for a few years, before she basically kicked him out.  She had found another man, who would become his son's stepfather, and Bryan found himself alone and divorced when he was barely an adult.  While Bryan is an accomplished storyteller, I do feel that he is quite candid with his own experience and the various errors he made along the way.  Putting his money where his mouth is, he has also established The Father Project that is affiliated with Harvard University.  

This is a book that I would recommend to any son or daughter who has an estranged relationship with their father.  I would also recommend it to fathers who are not a part of their children's lives for whatever reason.  Finally, I think this is a book that divorced women with children should most definitely read.  It might provide some insight into why their ex-husband may find it difficult to be a part of their children's lives.  An eloquent and helpful book that addresses an issue that is so very common, especially here in the United States.