Battling the Noonday Demon

There are times when you read a book and you feel that you have been waiting for this book your whole life.  It is as if this book had been written with you in mind.  I have always had an attachment to the books I read, sometimes too much of an attachment, but this book answered some lingering questions I had about my life choices and it helped to clarify how to deal with some issues I had been struggling with throughout my adult life.  I know I sound hyperbolic, but Acedia & me: a Marriage, Monks, and a Writer's Life by Kathleen Norris is a book that has made an important difference in my life.
Norris' book is partially a memoir, partially a meditation on our culture, partially a critique of how we deal with depression and other medical issues related to mental health, and it is finally a book on spirituality, a topic that Norris feels our "modern" culture has neglected in many ways.
The organizing principle for this book is Norris' exploration of the term acedia and its impact on her life and on our culture.  As she points out from the beginning of the book, acedia is a term that is not well-known and when it is discussed it is often mistranslated or grouped with related concepts.
One of the best features of this book is what she calls "A Commonplace Book" that has various monks, writers, and mental health professionals discussing the term acedia.
Norris when discussing the impact of acedia claims: "Life then looms like a prison sentence, day after day of nothingness."  When I read this I was reminded of Walker Percy's first novel, The Moviegoer.  In this novel, Percy, who was trained as a psychiatrist, speaks of the affliction known as "everydayness."  I think that Percy, as a Catholic convert who was familiar with Catholic tradition, perhaps had acedia in mind, though I don't recall him using that term in the novel.  Whatever term you want to use, Norris feels that this affliction, can suck the life out of one's existence.  During my senior year of high school, I went into a major funk that most of my teachers, family, and friends might have called depression.  I feel now that I might have been suffering from acedia.
Norris traces this idea back to a fourth century monk known as Evagrius Ponticus.  Evagrius and others also refer to acedia as "The Noonday Demon."  Norris explains: "The desert monks termed acedia 'the noonday demon' because the temptation usually struck during the heat of the day, when the monk was hungry and fatigued, and susceptible to the suggestion that his commitment to a life of prayer was not worth the effort."
Norris claims that we can become basically addicted to acedia, which "offers a kind of spiritual morphine: you know the pain is there, yet can't rouse yourself to give a damn."  Norris is also quick to point out that acedia is not depression.  She makes the argument that depression is often treatable by counseling and medication, but that acedia is "best countered by spiritual practice and the discipline of prayer."
As a writer and spouse, Norris has "come to believe that acedia can strike anyone whose work requires self-motivation and solitude, anyone who remains married "for better or worse,' anyone who is determined to stay true to a commitment that is sorely tested in everyday life."  I couldn't agree more.  Acedia is the temptation that it is easier or even better to walk away from our commitments, especially those most dear to us.
For monks and for Norris, one must re-engage in life, even though it may seem tedious.  "When I stop running from my life, I can return to living it, willing to be present again, in the present moment. But this means embracing those routine and repetitive activities that I tend to scorn."
However, Norris and other commentators don't want to entirely dismiss acedia.  The poet Joseph Brodsky in referring to "boredom" claims that: "The reason boredom deserves such scrutiny is that it represents pure, undiluted time in al of its repetitive, redundant, monotonous splendor." In other words, acedia or boredom is a gift, a spiritual gift.  This is what St. John of the Cross was getting at in his classic work, The Dark Night of the Soul.  You must live through this dark night in order to return to the light of morning.
According to Evagrius, monks and anyone suffering from acedia must cultivate cardiognosis, literally knowledge of the heart.  This is not something one comes by easily, which is why Evagrius, Norris, and others believe that the fight against acedia is a constant, if not a lifelong struggle.
Throughout this evocative and often heart-wrenching narrative, Norris deals with not only acedia, but also a struggle with loss.  Near the end of the narrative, she shares a prayer that helped her deal with her own demons.
"This is  another day, O Lord. I know not what it will bring forth, but make me ready, Lord, for whatever it may be. If I am to stand up, help me to stand bravely. If I am to sit still, help me to sit quietly. If I am to lie low, help me to do it patiently. And if I am to do nothing, let me do it gallantly. Make these words more than words, and give me the Spirit of Jesus. Amen."
Amen to for this graceful work that Kathleen Norris has shared with those of us who struggle with our own Noonday Demons.

Czar